Mothering Madness

I haven't posted on this thing in years but my friend, Tiffany, inspired me to document some of my thoughts about keeping your house clean and raising your children. AT THE SAME TIME. I was just going to "comment" on her adorable blog but apparently, I had too much to say. Since it wouldn't allow me to post it, I decided to put it here. Let me just start with, "I feel ya sister!!" To see her blog and the other awesome comments, click here.

I was just telling Jordan he was going to have to drop me off at the loony bin and he could stop by in a few months and we would talk then. Some of you already know this, but let me break it down. We had five children in seven years with a set of twins in there. (Four boys within four years, by the way.) Our youngest is a girl that is a year and a half and for some reason I thought we had maybe gotten to a point where going back to school would be an option. Now Jordan and I are both trying to finish up. It's so lame! What was I thinking?

Sometimes I think that it was easier when there were three of them in diapers at the same time, but then I remember what my house looked like. I remember my sisters-in-law commenting on how it only gets harder as your kids get bigger. I also remember thinking that they must have been on drugs to cope at the time and they just don't remember it accurately. I'm so glad I can remember my messy house as proof of the difficulty. It's not AS messy now, so it MUST be getting easier. I don't have teenagers yet so maybe it does get harder later? But I really can't imagine that being the case. You may worry more about their decisions, especially when they start driving, but it's not the same mental exhaustion created by the little one's needs for food and clothing and comfort and entertainment and EVERYTHING.

My kids can get themselves a drink or a snack (well, most of them), some of them know not to drink the bleach or stick their hands in the toilet, and a select few can wipe their own rear ends when the occassion calls for it. So, my point is that you just had a new baby and babies are new for a while. And nursing one takes a lot of time and no one else can do it since we don't live in the seventeenth century. Although I can't say I haven't thought about placing an ad for a wet nurse just to see what happens. And after they're done being babies, you end up with a toddler and we all know how that can go. I think mine is busy playing with a Lego box full of choking hazards while I type this.

I totally understand feeling like you're going crazy. Like, for real. CRAZY. So many people are commenting because so many people understand! And it's comforting to me that I'm not the only one, so thank you everyone for airing your dirty laundry! I wish I had it figured out and I could post some great tips along with these wonderful ladies, but I don't. Some days I look at my house and just say, "Not today." Sometimes I understand how hoarders begin their madness. I too, really have a desire for perfection and reality is, it never will be. Since it's not attainable, why even start? I feel that way sometimes then I freak out even more and start throwing away anything that's not nailed down or too heavy to move. If there's less stuff in the house, there’s less stuff to be picked up, right? I think my biggest frustration is that I never get to see anything accomplished. There are no tangible fruits to my labors. If I spend time with the kids and we have a mommy moment all I see later is all the stuff that's not done. I can't check those intangible things off a list. Sometimes I have Jordan take all the kids somewhere for a while and I get some things done without any distractions. Which is really good most of the time, but if they go do something fun I get kinda upset that I'm not going along. Those times I usually end up going along and leaving the mess since it WILL ALWAYS BE THERE awaiting my return.

I saw this episode of Oprah when the twins were little. She was interviewing this woman who wrote a book about motherhood that ended up being very controversial. This author was exposing what she considered "the truth” about motherhood and how we, as mothers, feel too guilty to complain about our situations or admit that it’s difficult because it would be like saying we don’t want our children. So no one ever talks about it, mothers don’t realize everyone is in the same boat, and young girls grow up with unrealistic expectations about what motherhood is going to be like. Then, when they have difficulty themselves they feel like a failure.

If I remember right, her point was that we needed to discuss the difficulties and learn from each other’s struggles because we all have our moments. I’m not sure why it ended up being so controversial. (Didn't the same type of thing already happen in the 50's? When women decided that trying to make their husbands sound smarter than themselves and wearing a dress with a matching bow and having dinner on the table the second he walked in was incredibly LAME? And there was really no reason to act like life was so perfect? I guess it didn't tranfer to the children or the housekeeping.) A lot of women in the audience were very upset about her comments but I jumped right on board with the author. While sitting there with two seven month old babies and pregnant with a third, I was so thankful to hear I wasn’t the only one that thought, “This is hard sometimes.” And while I ADORE my children and the truly amazing little people that they are, I cannot keep my whole house clean all at once or all the time. Or really, even part of the time. I hope this doesn't sound like my kids are the issue cause they're not. But I guess, cleaning up their messes kinda is. It's like what Tiffany said about mothering and housekeeping. She loves them both but it's so hard to do them at the same time! Well, I don't know if I can say I love housekeeping...

I've heard that saying "picking up after kids is like shoveling snow in a blizzard" and I appreciate whoever reminded me of it. I think I'm going to paint it on my front door. Anyway, I guess I'm done with my rantings. Thanks Tiffany, and everyone else, for reminding me that part of the reason I don’t have it all figured out is because it really is difficult. And that when company stops by without calling, I am in no way obligated to answer the door.